#574: What would you do if someone in authority told you to do something that felt wrong? Most of us like to think we'd speak up, push back, stand our ground. But research tells a very different story. In fact, when Yale researchers conducted a famous experiment in the 1960s, they found that 65% of people would administer what they believed to be deadly electric shocks to another human being... simply because someone in a lab coat told them to. Today's guest has spent over 15 years studying why humans comply with authority - even when every fiber of our being is screaming that we shouldn't. And when it comes to our money, this tendency to comply with authority figures - from financial advisors to real estate agents to car salespeople - can cost us dearly. Dr. Sunita Sah began her career as a physician in the UK's National Health Service. During one particularly exhausting period as a junior doctor, she agreed to meet with a financial advisor who had contacted her at work. That meeting sparked questions that would shape the rest of her career: Why did she feel pressured to trust this advisor, even after learning he had a conflict of interest? Today, she's a tenured professor at Cornell University, where her groundbreaking research on compliance and influence has been featured in The New York Times and Scientific American. She's advised government agencies, served on the National Commission on Forensic Science, and helps leaders understand the psychology behind why we say "yes" when we really want to say "no." Whether you're meeting with a financial advisor, negotiating the price of a home, or discussing rates with a contractor, understanding the psychology of compliance could save you thousands of dollars - and help you make better financial decisions. Today's conversation isn't just about psychology - it's about protecting your wealth by learning when and how to say "no." Resources Mentioned in the Episode: - Website: sunitasah.com - Newsletter: Defiant by Design on Substack - Connect with Dr. Sah on LinkedIn - Follow Dr. Sah on Instagram About Dr. Sunita Sah Dr. Sunita Sah is a tenured professor at Cornell University specializing in organizational psychology. Her research focuses on how and why people comply with authority, even against their better judgment. A former physician in the UK's National Health Service, Dr. Sah brings a unique perspective to understanding human behavior and decision-making. Her work has been featured in leading publications including The New York Times and Scientific American, and she has served as a Commissioner on the National Commission on Forensic Science. Timestamps: Note: Timestamps will vary on individual listening devices based on dynamic advertising run times. The provided timestamps are approximate and may be several minutes off due to changing ad lengths. 0:00 Intro 4:00 Most people follow authority against their own judgment 7:01 Dr. Sah meets a pushy financial advisor as a young doctor 9:55 Why conflict-of-interest disclosures backfire 12:16 "Insinuation anxiety" makes us cave under pressure 14:13 The "sales pitch effect" creates unwanted obligation 17:29 Growing up conditioned to comply as a South Asian daughter 20:34 Career paths: following passion vs family expectations 27:29 The Milgram experiments reveal our tendency to obey 35:28 Using "quiet defiance" to resist pressure 42:20 Why managers misunderstand employee silence 46:43 Five elements that separate consent from compliance 53:03 Building defiance through small daily practices 58:13 The power of the pause in decision-making 1:02:54 Five stages to recognize and act on resistance 1:18:22 How to develop your personal style of defiance For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode574 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

#572: At age 7, Dr. Jordan Grumet lost his father. This early loss shaped his career path — he became a physician, following in his dad's footsteps. But by 2010, feeling burned out from internal medicine, he took an unexpected turn: he became a hospice doctor. In this episode, Dr. Grumet joins us to discuss what he's learned from thousands of conversations with people in their final days.  These discussions have revealed a pattern: people don't typically regret their bank balance on their deathbed. Instead, they regret not pursuing the activities and dreams that truly lit them up. Dr. Grumet explains the difference between what he calls "Big P Purpose" versus "little p purpose." Big P Purpose involves major life goals like becoming president or curing cancer. Little p purpose, by contrast, focuses on the process — finding activities you enjoy regardless of the outcome.  He shares the story of a young professional who loved competitive cycling. While working a demanding nonprofit job, this person started fixing bikes at races on weekends. This side project combined his skills and passion, eventually creating enough income for him to reduce his full-time hours. Dr. Grumet introduces three key concepts for building more purpose into your life: - Joy of Addition: Add activities that excite you, even if just for 15 minutes daily - Art of Subtraction: Remove activities that drain you - Substitution: When you can't add or subtract, swap one activity for another He emphasizes that money isn't the only tool for creating change. Youth, energy, relationships, skills and community can be equally valuable resources. A 22-year-old might lack funds but has the advantage of time and stamina that a 51-year-old doesn't possess. Dr. Grumet references the Harvard Adult Developmental Health Study, which found that strong relationships — not achievements or money — most strongly correlate with happiness. He suggests that pursuing activities you enjoy naturally leads to building these vital connections. The episode closes with a powerful story about his grandfather, who loved math and became an accountant in the 1950s.  This passion influenced Dr. Grumet's mother to become a CPA, which in turn helped young Jordan develop confidence in math, despite his reading challenges. Years later, this mathematical thinking helped him diagnose a rabbi's rare condition — proving how small actions can create ripple effects across generations. Timestamps: Note: Timestamps will vary on individual listening devices based on dynamic advertising run times. The provided timestamps are approximate and may be several minutes off due to changing ad lengths. 0:00 Introduction to Dr. Grumet, hospice doctor discussing end-of-life insights 1:06 Transition from medicine to hospice as side hustle 2:21 Hospice shifts from medical to emotional care 4:12 Palliative care vs hospice care explained 5:05 Age range of hospice patients 6:55 Life priorities and deathbed regrets 13:46 Harvard Adult Developmental Health Study on happiness 20:00 Purpose, happiness and flow states 26:35 Joy of Addition and Art of Subtraction explained 33:30 Using youth when lacking money 41:18 Calendar evaluation strategies 48:45 Managing family disappointment 56:08 Regrets as purpose anchors 1:03:26 Common end-of-life regrets 1:09:06 Small actions, big legacy For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode572 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices